1. How old were you when you realized your parents were having marital problems?
LC: I do not remember any family arguments. My parents made it a point not to argue in front of us. I remember the day my mom kicked my dad out of the house. My mom told us that dad was not going to live with us any more. After that I cried a lot at night in bed.
AG: As long as I can remember my dad was always moving in and out.
2. Did you ever think that your parents might separate or divorce?
LC: No
AG: My parents were always separated.
3. How old were you when your parents divorced?
LC: 5 years old
AG: 11 years old
4. I had to take sides in my parents' conflicts (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: somewhat agree
AG: strongly disagree
5. At any time during your parents' divorce were you feeling pulled between your parents or put in the middle parents' arguments and having to assume the role of "peace maker?
LC: My mom would put us in the middle as she would say bad things about my dad. My dad never said anything bad about my mom. I remember feeling like they put me in the middle of an argument about me needing braces which they fought about and I felt like it was my fault that they were fighting.
AG: no
6. When you were growing up, did you feel too responsible for taking care of your mother/father/brother or sister?
LC: No, but my older sister took on this role. I remember my teachers telling my mom that I was more well adjusted then kids with two parents. But I had a lot of stomach problems and the doctor determined that I appeared to be fine on the outside, but I was not fine on the inside.
AG: Not until I started to live w/ my father and then I assumed the role of caretaker which I carry to this day.
7. At any time in the years after the divorce, were you asked to choose which parent to live with?
LC: I lived primarily with my mom, but when I was a freshman, I chose to live with my dad.
AG: No. I didn’t have a choice.
8. I often missed my mother/father (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly agree
AG: strongly disagree
9. Did you ever feel abandoned by mother/father?
LC: no
AG: Yes; by my mother.
10. There are things that my mother/father has done that I find hard to forgive (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: Strongly agree. I’m still upset with my mother for sending me to live with my father so she could be with her boyfriend.
11. Did you blame one parent for the divorce or were you angry at one or both parents because of the divorce/family problems?
LC: no
AG: The divorce was my mother’s fault and was and still may be angry with her.
12. I generally felt physically safe (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: somewhat disagree
AG: strongly agree
13. I was alone a lot as a child (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly agree
AG: strongly disagree (I don’t think so, but I can’t remember.)
14. If you answered yes to #13 above, did you feel isolated or lonely?
LC: yes
AG: N/A
15. Sometimes I felt like I didn't have a home (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: strongly disagree; I had many homes as I was always floating back and forth between my mom’s, dad’s and grandparents.
16. I generally felt emotionally safe (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly agree
AG: strongly agree
17. I felt like I had two families (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly agree
AG: strongly agree
18. I felt like I had two homes (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: somewhat agree; when I was living with my mom I felt like her house was more my home as I with her more than my dad.
AG: strongly agree; I actually had lots of homes (moms, dads, grandparents)
19. Did you have difficulty adjusting to two households?
LC: no
AG: no
20. When you were growing up did you ever run away from home?
LC: I threatened to runaway, but I never did.
AG: no
21. When you were growing up were you ever kicked out of the house?
LC: When I was living with dad and visiting my mom, I got in a fight with my mom and she kicked me out of her house and told me not to come back unless I was going to follow her rules. W eventually made up and she allowed me to come back.
AG: yes
22. I feel I can depend on my friends more than my family (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: strongly agree
23. Do you feel you and your parents have a close relationship?
LC: yes
AG: My mom and I have a friendship we do not have a mother/daughter relationship. Personally I do not feel like I have a daughter/father relationship I feel like I’m his parent and took on the role as therapist when he was going through his divorce.
24. When I have a conflict with someone, I usually feel it can only get worse, not better (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: strongly disagree
25. I have experienced many losses in my life (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: strongly disagree
26. I don't feel that anyone really understands me (strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, strongly disagree).
LC: strongly disagree
AG: strongly disagree
27. In general, would you say most people can be trusted or you can't be too careful in life?
LC: I would say you can't be too careful in life.
AG: Most people can be trusted, but trust has to be earned.
28. What is your marital status?
LC: married
AG: married
29. Did you and your husband live together before you married?
LC: yes
AG: yes
30. Taking all things together, how would you describe your marriage (very happy, pretty happy, not too happy).
LC: Between not too happy and pretty happy as we fight a lot.
AG: not too happy
31. How old were you when you got married.
LC: 1st marriage: 21 years old; 2nd marriage 31 years old
AG: 24 years old
32. Have you ever been divorced? If so, how old were you when you got divorced.
LC: yes - Age 27
AG: no
33. Do you have children? If so, how many?
LC: yes - one
AG: no
34. What is your level of education (graduate degree, bachelor's degree, associate degree, some college, HS degree, no HS degree).
LC: bachelor's degree
AG: some college
NOTES: LC indicated to me that had I asked these questions to her older sister, she feels her sister's responses would have been a lot different because of their age difference, her sister has different memories of the divorce. She was the caretaker and seemed to take care of everyone in the family and was a lot closer to their father and had a harder time with the divorce.
No comments:
Post a Comment